My story of miscarriage (Blighted Ovum)

Warning: Some people may say this contains "Too much Infomation" so if Details bother
you, then maybe you should not read this. I am sharing my story for people who may
need support in dealing with their own miscarriage. Knowing you are not alone can help
you deal with tragedies such as this.

I have already been blessed with 4 healthy children; David, Amanda, Sarah & Ryan.  I also had a full-term stillborn,
Dylan,  almost 6 years ago (my 4th child) . A few years after I had my 5th child, I decided I'm done with having children.
We did not plan on having anymore. But I unexpectedly got pregnant. At first I thought "uh-oh". But then I began to look
forward to having this child. I had my 1st pre-natal visit on Sept. 17th, 2007. I was 9 weeks. However, I was very
concerned about some things, my thyroid being the main thing.

After the birth of my 5th child, I was diagnosed with Hypothyroidism. I was on medication for almost 2 years, then
wasn't able to see a doctor. So decided to try some natural alternatives to help my thyroid, which helped, but maybe not
enough. I told the midwife of my thyroid problem and asked for a blood test to see if I need to go back on medication,
which I highly suspected.

I have read that untreated Hypothyroidism can cause miscarriage, stillbirth, or mental retardation. This was very
frightening to me. I did not want anything to happen with my baby. So when my level came back as TSH level of 8, that
was not good. I went on medication immediately (Armour thyroid, as I requested.). I was also told that I had a urinary
infection, so I was also put on anti-biotics.

I was also a bit concerned that I felt that I did not feel as pregnant as I did at first, but that didn't seem to be a
concern to her.. I had morning sickness off and on, for a week or two, but it wasn't a lot. That did not last long, and went
away.  This was pregnancy number 6, and with me I get less sick with each pregnancy. So I didn't think much of that. My
breasts were very sore in the beginning, but by then, they were not as bad. I just felt like I was "not as pregnant" as I
used to feel previously. I was very tired, but somewhere around that point, I started regaining a little bit of energy on
some days. I was hoping to hear the heartbeat at that visit to help ease my mind, but she said it was too early. With my
previous 5 babies, I always got to hear the heartbeat around 6-8 weeks, so I was a bit confused. Another thing that
bothered me about this visit, I remember the nurse practitioner saying to the midwife that my uterus was "pear or
plum" (I guess referring to size). I was thinking "hmm, shouldn't it be bigger than that for 9 weeks?" I am wondering
now if they suspected something at that time, but did not want to worry me.

Well, 2 weeks later after this visit.....on Oct. 2, 2007,  when I was 11 weeks pregnant, the day started normal. But I
wasn't feeling too well, I thought it was just stomach discomfort, but did not feel "right". I felt like I do when it's time
to get my period.. I got tired in the late morning, so I laid down to take a nap. When I woke up around Noon, I went to
the bathroom and when I wiped, there was discharge with blood in it. (Sorry if it's too much detail). This worried me, so
I called the dr. office, but I guess it was lunch time and nobody picked up. I did not consider it an emergency at that
point, so I decided to just wait and see what happens. Well around 2 PM, I went to the bathroom again, and I noticed I
actually started bleeding, and passing clots. I thought, "oh no, I'm having a miscarriage", which I never had before, but I
knew this is what was happening. Then, the bleeding seem to get worse, so I called the dr. office. I got to talk to
someone and they told me to come right in, which I did.

The midwife checked me out and said my cervix was open. She saw how heavy I was bleeding, plus still passing clots,
tissue or whatever. She knew it did not look good. She said I would probably need a D & C because I was bleeding too
much. I said I did not want a D & C, and I did not want to be put to sleep. The dr. (partner) was out of town, so she called
a doctor nearby that was taking over for him. She had me go there, to see what he thought. He was concerned with the
heavy bleeding as well and instructed me to go to the ER. We waited there a while, but not as long as some others. I
think I was put priority over some of the other people. As I was sitting there, I kept getting worried everytime I felt
more gush of blood and stuff coming out. Because of what happened with Dylan, that is what had me so worried. After I
had given birth to Dylan, I hemmorraged so bad (because of the placenta abruption) and I needed blood transfusions. I
did not want to, but had no choice if I did not want to die. I did not want to get to the point of having blood transfusions
again.

Finally, I was then taken to get an ultrasound. I could tell it was not good news. Since I have a tilted uterus, it was very
hard to find things and see where things were. So then they did a transvaginal. I asked a few questions, but she would
not tell me anything. I continued to bleed badly, so they put me back in an ER room. Then a while later, the doctor came
and told me what was going on. I already knew I was having a miscarriage. He said it was a blighted ovum miscarriage. He
said although I was supposedly 11 weeks pregnant, the ultrasound showed the pregnancy stopped growing at 5 weeks.

A blighted ovum is a type of miscarriage in which the baby either never develops or stops growing at a very early stage
in pregnancy and then the baby disintegrates -- but a gestational sac does develop and the body does not recognize that
the baby is missing. Blighted ovum can be a traumatic diagnosis; it can sound like there was never a baby. Friends and
relatives may not understand why a woman grieves a blighted ovum. In a blighted ovum, it is true that the baby did not
develop enough to be visible on ultrasound, but a conception did occur and the pregnancy did exist -- and it is OK
to grieve the loss of the baby.

The doctor told me what my options were and that he thought a D & C was best. My other option was that I could just
continue on with the miscarriage, until everything was done passing, but at one point they said I might need blood, so they
were preparing just in case. I think this is what scared me and I gave into getting the D & C, even though I did not want
it. I was just afraid if I did not get this done, I might bleed too much and need a transfusion, which I did not want. So
they took me to surgery and all went well with that. After recovery, I was taken to a room, where I stayed for an hour.
We left the hospital around 10:30 PM. I am once again on antibiotics. This time to prevent infection from the D & C. This
is the 2nd round of antibiotics within a few weeks, which I am not happy about. But I'm drinking kefir to help prevent
other problems.

That happened 4 days ago. Meanwhile, I have been taking it easy. They told me I'd have spotting, but I'm having more
than that. So, I"m trying to stay off my feet as much as possible. Steve has been great taking care of me and things
around the house, and given me support and understanding.

I don't think losing the baby had much of an effect on my boys. David has not said anything at all, which is normal for him
anyway.. Although Ryan said to me "Why are tears coming from your eyes? Are you sad because you lost the baby?"  Ryan
amazes me all the time with the things he says. My girls were very much looking forward to this baby. Amanda may have
been sad the first day, but now she shows no emotion. She did ask me why I was so depressed and I told her "Wouldn't
you be too?" And she said "Yes, if that happened to me, I'd feel the say way." Out of all my children, it has effected
Sarah the most. I know she is very upset and she cries alot over everything. And she keeps asking if we can have another
baby. Well, I'm 38 and my biological clock is ticking, so we will just have to see what happens.
This was such a HUGE disappointment. And I am so heartbroken. I know this is going to take time to heal, although part
of me may never heal completely, as I will always remember this. That has been the case with Dylan, who would be
turning 6 years old at the end of this month.  At least with Dylan, I have memories to hold onto. I have pictures of him, I
have the memory of holding  him in my arms, and I visit his grave a few times a year. But with this baby, I never got the
chance to hold him/ her. I have no memories to hold onto, except for the memory of the short time I was pregnant and
the miscarriage. Of course I will never forget my 6th child. I really feel that this baby would have been a girl. I did not
get to keep her, but this baby DID exist for a short time. So now Dylan has a little sibling up there with him. I have 2
angels in Heaven looking down on us.